On Death

Our pet Budgie just died two weeks ago. I was holding him in my hand when he gave up. He seemed to have some kind of cancer, as he had at least two tumours; one on his leg, and one his chest. He didn’t appear to be in much pain, but did pick at the tumour on his leg and make it bleed, hence the reason I was holding him. He was struggling as usual one moment, staring into my eyes with his left eye the whole time. Then he stopped struggling, but kept looking at me. I couldn’t say the exact moment he died, but it was clear that he was giving up in the moments beforehand. The first I was sure he was dead, was when his head went slack, and his eye started to close.

I’ve never had anything die that close to me before. Sure, I’ve swatted a mosquito, but this was quite a bit different. I hadn’t realised how much the incident affected me until the last few days. The last look he gave me has been replayed in my head quite a few times, and I can still see his resignation. I can’t say I feel particularly sad or torn, he was just a budgie after all, but that moment of death was quite a shock.